Good to her two grown children. Good to her grandkids-- I’ve given her two of them. A good mother herself, and a heartbroken one, for the daughter she lost, lost when my husband was ten. She’s good to me: kind, thoughtful; yes, like a second mother. In the eyes of God, probably, better than the one I had. Better than my stepmother, surely. And a loving and faithful wife, that too she was. Much better than the one I‘ve become. I don’t know why I think of her, when I’m here, alone. It’s not the first time I’ve thought about her, when I’m waiting. I don’t know much at all anymore. An hour ago, I was waiting, on my elbows and knees, here on the carpet in this motel room, the door unlocked. I was thinking how, it’s not such a bad motel, really; but then, I left the door unlocked, andstill, it's justa motel. And though I couldn’t smell anything so awful, I started to think how, yes, this carpet’s probably been peed on before. It’s probably soaked up piss sometime. So yes, it is a bad. ‘Probably. I’m curious, what happened?’ ‘Tunnel collapse. My brother and I used to pretend- no, I’m not going into that. As a high speed train moves through a tunnel it pushes a big pressure wave of air in front of it. Not a problem normally, but this tunnel hasn’t been maintained for hundreds of years. There’s probably been flooding and shifting and who knows what else. So the pressure wave up ahead of us stressed something and the ceiling began to collapse. Part of it hit the train and thetrain got unstable, and that’s instant death at those speeds. But by accelerating you stabilize the train — it stiffens and sinks down, gripping the… eh, never mind. I screwed up getting things stable again and had to release the cars, and that just smashed up more of the tunnel, which triggered more collapse.’ ‘So why aren’t we buried now?’ ‘Stations and the approaches to stations are wrapped in steel, so even if there’s a collapse it only takes out tunnels, not stations.’ ‘So I think what I get.
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